i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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