paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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