If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
