i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
