If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
