i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
