the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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