the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
