She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
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Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize