youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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