Sponge bath it is.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
