New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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