did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We need to rekindle our bromance
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
