I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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