haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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