just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
