her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
