help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
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I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
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If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize