whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
