careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
