It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
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i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
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GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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