Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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