Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
