i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
