Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
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I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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