On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
