I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
