Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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