apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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