found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
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he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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