Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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