the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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