I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
