i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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