I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
