Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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