The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
