I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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