apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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