Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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