we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
