i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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