A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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