I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
