Can Purell be used as lube?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
