You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
