I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
