Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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