In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I hope mine doesn't look like that
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
