Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
