Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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