yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
