her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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