Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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