I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
