you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
