Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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