And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
