I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
